Wanstead and Snaresbrook Cricket Club

Scorecard

Boreham v Wanstead and Snaresbrook Cricket Club Over 40's Indoor Team on Thu 22 Sep 2016 at 8.00 pm
Wanstead and Snaresbrook Cricket Club Won by some runs

Match report After a lot of pontificating by the Over 40's team over the summer, they decide that because of the success that was achieved last indoor season that they try it again. So on the 22nd Sept 2016, they arrive at Chelmsford for their first match. However for this match Fayyaz had decided that he was washing his hair, so the team recruited a rookey indoor player known as Jim Croker.So here I make the customary welcome before the usual hatchet job kicks in. And for this match Jim gets and deservedly so, some stick. But more regarding Jim later.
The evening starts with the usual "stick on arrival" banter, the motivational abuse one has come to expect from these veterans. One has to wonder what the opposition thinks when the opening line from a Wanstead team player (JC is his name) when he welcomes the others is "we are lucky that the wall is so close with our wicket keepers skill". And then it really kicks off. In this melee is newbie Jim who is used to the banter of the Slowcoaches, which if one was to have a criteria for would be GCSE banter. Whereas the Over 40's banter is more your yr 6 sats, far more sophisticated.
More to come...I know I've not written anything about the match, this is your preamble, and I've got to do some chores. So back later

And we're back...

So we begin with the report. JC is sent to do the toss. Whether we won or lost it, we batted first. JC and Alan were 1 and 2, with the Rookie Jim being elevated to three. Ib was 4 because he had to operate the score machine as no one else had the skill set. Matloob was 5 because Jim was using Ramon's pad's. Well the first over was rather confusing as there was quite a lot of erratic running and noises that appeared to be calling by the batsmen. Anyway JC retires after scoring 25 ( a six and couple of fours. But majority were dodgy twos sprinkled with a host of missed runs outs) and returns to the waiting area and explains that Alan wasn't so much shouting Yes or No to the run but more making sounds...audible but nonsensical sounds. This kinda answers a whole host of questions that have been asked about Alan's ability to run people out. We suspect he's confused and thus confuses his partners. In goes Jim and we shout abuse at the rookie as he defends a number of deliveries and forget that he's playing indoor. Shouts of "Get on with it", and "hit your stumps, take one for the team" are heard from the Wanstead holding pen.
In goes the rookie and hits a four. There's an audible sharp intake of breath from the gallery and the holding pen. Rookie hits boundary, doesn't he know the rules? Obviously not, rookie goes on to follow Alan into the hut retired on 25. Normal service is resumed when Ib, Matloob and Ramon are run out by JC because he could. Jc's argument was Ib was run out so he could operate the scoreboard, Matloob's because he couldn't run fast enough and Ramon, because Ramon needed to change into his keeping gear for the following innings. (By the way, Ib's going to claim that Ramon run him out...hitting ball to oppo player and running giving Ib no chance. This Ramon will contest and since there is no evidence, it will only ever remain as conjecture, despite the 5 other players saying otherwise. They all wear glasses and still cant see. More about glasses and not seeing later in this report, Eh Matloob?)

With all this going on Wanstead reach their highest ever indoor total...119, very impressive and most unexpected. Had there not been an official neutral scorer we would have said that the scoreboard operator had made a mistake, but no it was official, the scorer had taken a bung, no sorry, Wanstead had scored 119. Please forgive the totally scurrilous remarks about bungs etc. Nobody had taken a bung and the scorer remains innocent unlike the Wanstead players who shout scurrilous remarks about their teammates. One would be shocked and amazed at some of the things that are said. The keeper however, remains a shining light of valour in the Wanstead team, an example of good temperament and caring for his fellow players. This he does in-spite of what is said about him.

It's now Boreham's turn to bat so Wanstead take to the field led by their phenomenal keeper. He's too modest and asked not to be named, so I will honour that request. After some really rubbish bowling and good hitting from Boreham they were ahead of the required rate and were looking to run this total down. As per usual the Wanstead keeper was performing amazing things behind the sticks. It was those in front that were shockingly awful. I mean Ib was standing next to the stumps and missed a run out.His hand was less than two centimetres from the wicket and he still missed the stumps If you thought this was bad, JC forgot that a fielder can use their arms to throw the ball and came in second in a race to the wicket with the batsman winning. Had JC thrown the ball underarm, the batsman would have been out, if he had rolled it to the bowler at the stumps the batman would have been out, but no JC had to run. Jc opens the bowling...runs aplenty from the batsman, Alan throws a few pies, also runs aplenty from Boreham, Rookie bowler Jim...wides down the leg side, wides on the off side. Only a phenomenal, I say it again, phenomenal effort from the keeper stopped Boreham winning on extras. Apart from the keeper, there was a critical moment in the match. One that shocked everyone in the Graham Gooch Hall. A Wanstead player had thrown the ball and had actually hit the stumps. Normally its Batsman hits the ball, Wanstead fielder collects the ball, Throws the ball at the stumps, Batsman gets overthrows. This is what we are used to, so when Jim hits the stumps, everyone is in shock...umpires included. Remarks are made "C'mon boys, this isn't the Wanstead way". Jim is suitably reprimanded and he misses the stumps on every other throw he makes. Just like his fellow teammates. Well done Jim, you can't compete for the star status in this team we all know and agree where this goes!

Okay, how did Wanstead win, you're asking? Well after the appalling bowling of , Chambers, Lord and Coker, in comes Mr lucky himself, otherwise known as Matloob Piracha. Well after some shocking deliveries down the leg side, accompanied by some excellent keeping again, Matloob realises that the ball has a seam and if you bowl with the seam in an upright position, the ball will land on the seam and it may move. Well, the ball did move and dismissed two of the Boreham players out clean bowled. What an over, shocking to sublime. Anyway, more of the shocking was Matloobs inability to see without his glasses. He was waiting to collect the ball from the fielder (JC on this occasion)but had taken his glasses off. Bad move from the offing. Matloob did not only fail to see the ball coming at him but made a comical and entertaining piece of gathering the ball. This i suspect was deliberate as he got a wicket with his next delivery. I suspect the batsman was still laughing at what had just happened. Anyway, eventually Boreham get to 5 down when the last wicket is taken on the return of JC. A dodgy delivery is bowled, the Boreham bat misses and the ball hits the pad. The Wanstead team all go up (habit rather than being able to see) and the umpire raises his finger to send the final Boreham batsman on their way. Wanstead win. Well done boys As per usual , you came you entertained, you created some unforgettable moments. Long may you continue.

We all shake hands and depart Chelmsford once again. Thanks to Boreham for contributing to an exciting match and the umpires for putting up with us.

Wanstead and Snaresbrook Cricket Club Over 40's Indoor Team Batting
Player Name RunsMB4s6sSRCtStRo
extras
TOTAL :
 
for 6 wickets
0
119		        
John Chambers  
Jim Croker  
Matloob Piracha  
Alan Lord  
Ibrahim Aziz  
Ramon Chesney  

Boreham Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
No records to display.

Boreham Batting
Player name RMB4s6sSR
extras
TOTAL :
 
for 6 wickets
0
99 (10.0 overs)		     
   
   
   
   
   
   

Wanstead and Snaresbrook Cricket Club Over 40's Indoor Team Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
No records to display.

  • Umpire :
  • Scorer :
    Person who can operate the complicated scoring machine...Ibrahim