Ilford Catholic v Wanstead and Snaresbrook Cricket Club Slow Coaches on Wed 07 Jun 2017 at 6pm
Wanstead and Snaresbrook Cricket Club Won

Match report The Slowcoaches illustrious leader aka Joe Palmer Snr has decided that The Slowcoaches team need a bit more competition in their life on a Wednesday evening so that after a hard gruelling day of work have to turn up and shout at fellow teammates. Well, that is absolutely the best tonic for a slowcoach, so good call Joe.

Right to the match. The time, 6pm, the place, Barkingside Rec, the opposition, Ilford Catholics. At 6pm, some of the team had arrived. Some of the opposition had arrived. So the match wasn't looking to begin on time. By the time of the toss, Wanstead had 8 of the 11 players to the full Ilford Catholics side had arrived. So the Great Leader went out to make the toss knowing that having only 8 players at this point of the match, batting was the preferred option. Well, Joe won the toss and we fielded. Joe will adamantly refute this by arguing that he has never won a toss (or given a toss). But whatever the truth, we were in the field with just 8 players, waiting for the late ones to appear quickly. The late ones I will call, Matloob, Jim and A N Other(because that is their names and deserve to be scolded for being late).

The opening bowling in this T20 was Sohail. Not to shabby a bowler, can deliver a bit of pace. Well he set the tone, second delivery bowls out the Catholics opener. Whoop whoop, with 8 players we were on the up. Jim Croker appears half way through the over and finds he has to cover half of the field...punishment for turning up late.

Okay, I have to take a break now, work to do. Back later

And I'm back, lots of chores completed, a certain person is very pleased and I'm in their good books.
Second over, Joe picks on Jim to bowl. More punishment for the turning up late. Anyway, Jim bowls okay, gets tonked around the park a couple of times, gets a wicket. Some say it was lucky. Jim say its a case of editors jealousy that I am remarking that its lucky. All I'm saying is 'don't shoot the messenger', I'm just reporting the facts as I saw them and were reported to me. If there is anyone to blame, then blame our illustrious leader. He is the source of the libellous statement.

Sorry Joe, I didn't mean to name the source of the hundreds of comments you told me to include in this report.

And its back to the match report. As per usual Joe had forgotten that when he selects a team he must have a keeper. Low and behold, Joe hadn't, so Richard Walsh steps up to the plate and dons the gloves and has a mare. Dropped catches, dropped balls...(Joe this is a really unfair quote to include, I'm not writing anymore). Despite Joe's protestations, I the editor am saying that Richard had a great match and there wasn't as many dropped catches or dropped balls as Joe is implying, no, there wasn't.
Another player that deserves a big mention is Zac McGrath. Zac, thanks, not only do you score for this team of reprobates, but on this evening fill in for Joe miscalculating the number in the team has was supposed to ask. I offer a particular thanks because you were a ball magnet and saved the other pensioners from looking pretty sad watching the ball pass them by. Speaking of pensioners. Matloob Piracha, was late, lost track of time, was at home drinking his Horlicks when all of a sudden realised he was supposed to be somewhere. And arrived 40 mins late.

Some people may think I am being unduly harsh in the comments that have been said. In the words of Joe (and this is directly from Joe) "Yah boo sucks to you lot".

Anyway, back on course and lets finish this report before the next match, shall we?

A couple of other bowlers get a look in and bowl well (I notice they are not getting dealt with in the same way as other layers that have been mentioned?) It is appropriate at this juncture to say that they wont be reading this report because
1. Very few read any of the reports written on this website, and
2. Those that do never read them all (that's because they are boys and they cant read more than three sentences because they get distracted)

Speaking of getting distracted. Would it be possible to finish this report within the next year or so...Ed?

As I was saying, the new representative Slowcoaches, turned in a great performance, took wickets, got hit, smiled at Joe, who didn't smile back, which left the last few overs to be bowled by Matloob Piracha and Alan Lord. It was getting dark by the time these two walked in to bowl and the opposition were pleased. Got their total up to 117 after these two were seen off and the Slowcoaches made their way back to prepare for the run chase.
Before I close off on this part of the innings I would like to offer thanks to the fielders in the troupe. Some shocking bowling led to some big hitting which meant that the Slowcoaches fielding had to be good and it was. Well done Nigel, Ramon and A N Other. You were all magnificent.
I notice Joe isn't mentioned here? I wanted to mention Joe, but he felt he couldn't be included on account of him dropping a catch. Very noble of you Joe...very noble indeed.

The Slowcoaches innings was one of genuine no surprise. Jim and Richard were sent into open. Low and behold a repeat of their indoor opening partnership occurred. After 12 overs had been bowled the total was on 45. indoors, there are only 12 over in an innings. So on that occasion the total wasn't reached. however, from the 13th to the 17th over, it was like crash bang wallop, emphasis on the wallop. By the 17th Over had begun, we only need 2 runs to win, but Chris decided a glorious 6 was needed to end the innings in style. Wow, what a final 5 overs. Slowcoaches begin their title chase with a strong win. We did lose Richard to a great slower ball, Richard played and missed and said goodbye to his wicket. Chris and Jim brought the win home with some more big shots.

Many thanks to Ilford Catholics. A team generous both in playing and hospitality.

Next match...Woodford Green sometime in the future

Ilford Catholic Batting
Player name RunsMB4s6sSR
for 4 wickets
117 (20.0 overs)

Wanstead and Snaresbrook Cricket Club Slow Coaches Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Sohail Ahmed3.0014114.004.67
Jim Croker3.0020120.006.67
Chris Powell4.0022122.005.50
Alan Lord3.0024124.008.00
Matloob Piracha4.001600.004.00
A.N. Other3.00010.000.00

Wanstead and Snaresbrook Cricket Club Slow Coaches Batting
Player Name RMB4s6sSRCatchesStumpingsRun outs
for 1 wickets

(17.0 overs)
Joe Palmer  
Matloob Piracha  
Richard Walsh Bowled  46
Sohail Ahmed  
Jim Croker Not Out  47
Nigel Baldwin  
Zak McGrath  
Ramon Chesney  
Alan Lord  
Chris Powell Not Out  25
A.N. Other  

Ilford Catholic Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
No records to display.